07970 956 286

Free delivery on all UK orders

Asking for her hand in marriage

asking for her hand in marriage – a  guide



Before discussing what is the best way of asking for her hand in marriage, a natural question is should you?  The tradition of running the idea past her father is customary to this day, although some people consider it silly and even misogynistic.  A question is:  Will it make you look like a gentleman in her father’s eyes or will he be offended that you thought you actually had to ask him?

If you do ask, there is the risk of him saying “no”, and many people mitigate that risk by asking for his ‘blessing’ rather than his ‘permission’ to marry his daughter  –  think Perchik in Fiddler on the roof.

You could call him to arrange a discussion, or pull him to one side during a family event, then tell him how much you love his daughter, express your desire to marry her, and your hope that he gives his blessing.  Once all that is done, share a drink with him to celebrate!

There are times when informing the bride’s father of your intentions to marry can be unwise.  If, for example, your bride has a turbulent relationship with her father, she may not appreciate you wanting to get his blessing.

Another example is if you are a more mature couple, you may find it odd to ask her aged father for his permission when he hasn’t any influence over his daughter’s life.

But, in most situations, asking the father of the bride’s blessing or permission will be seen as a sign of respect and bravery.  “What’s the worst that can happen?”

On the flip side of all of this, there is the bride intending to say “I do”, but unsure of how to tell her parents.  This is especially pertinent if the groom avoids asking the father first, of course.

Timing is everything.  Timing can make or break the wedding announcement for parents.   Timing includes waiting to see if one of the parents is ill or going through a stressful time, as you wouldn’t want to add more stress to his already full plate.

While you might want to formally surprise any one of the four parents, in practice, it shouldn’t be a total surprise.  This may require you tell some other people first, or to throw in a few hints ever so often.

Another increasingly common option is for both the groom and the bride-to-be to tell her parents together  –  at a restaurant, say.  Both fiancés should be prepared to answer any and all questions the parents ask.   However, going back to the first strategy, some men even prefer to ask the parents for permission to marry their daughter before popping the question, so as to avoid conflicts or disagreements later on down the road, and honor their future spouse’s family.

While all of the above might sound daunting to a man, in most cases telling the parents in person will cause them to flood you with kisses and hugs.  But if they’re not close by, a phone call could also work.

There is an added benefit to asking for permission from the parents.  Parents who are asked respectfully are more likely to be interested in being involved in the wedding process.

Whatever happens, your honest intentions should shine through.  Good luck!

Leave a comment


Email(will not be published)*


Your comment*

Submit Comment

© Copyright H&D Diamonds - Terms and Conditions